Zombie Taxidermy #2

Zombie graphic

My first taxidermy order came from a State game warden after the zombie outbreak near Warm Springs. He had captured the zombie in a baited bear trap in the Sierra Mountains near the Pacific Coast Trail. The intact upper torso arrived yesterday afternoon in the locked metal box I sent him to ship it in.

In my underground work room I narrowly escaped being bitten when I opened the metal box. The damn thing nearly tore my arm off and bit into my chain-male glove before I could throw it to the work room floor. Afterwards, I cut off both arms and the torso before storing these putrid remains in the freezer.

I’ve taken several precautions to protect my neighbors in case I’m  bitten and become a zombie. The exterior door lock requires a hidden key, a 16 digit PIN, and fingerprint authentication. After three failed attempts to unlock the door its sealed and can’t be opened from the inside. This triggers a self-destruct mechanism that will incinerate everything in the work room. It’s the least I could do to protect my neighbors and limit my liability.

After screwing the Kevlar safety shield into the zombie’s skull I mounted it on the oak plaque. Throughout the procedure the damn thing violently shook its head back and forth and tried desperately to bite me. When I was done I immediately incinerated my bio-suit, chain-male gloves and face shield since they were covered with gore. Disinfecting the room took most of the night.

I packed the mounted head in dry ice before shipping it back to California. I enclosed an ominous sounding letter from my lawyer warning the buyer to never remove the Kevlar safety shield. It also included detailed instructions on how to safely mount his trophy on the wall.


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